When I’m my best self

I’ve been doing some soul searching lately. Honestly, I have felt a bit off for quite some time now. I can’t really put my finger on when this change happened, but I can clearly look back to a time in my life where I feel like I was a much better version of myself.

I don’t want to be too negative, there have been so many things that have happened in my life over the last 2 years that have stretched me beyond anything I thought I was capable of being. I am now not only a husband, but also a father. I’ve taken on more responsibility in my job. I am a homeowner. So many new things have happened the last couple of years.

For some reason though, I just feel disconnected.

I’m really trying to think through why that is and what I’m missing. I know that I’m growing. I know that there are areas in life that I am much better today than I was 2 years ago. That being said, I feel like there are some things that were present in my life then that aren’t there now.

I’m not reading or writing like I use to.

I miss the days that I read and really dug into theological topics. This is how I wrestled with God. This is how I found out who He is and who I am because of that.

I need to remember this is a process. Sometimes I get discouraged because I want results. I have become completion oriented in my way of thinking. When I have a free evening, I tend to think of things I can start and finish that night.

I’m not really sure what this looks like. I don’t even want to put some type of schedule or routine to it. I just want it to be a priority, like it was before.